What conversation have you been carrying alone
that might become lighter if shared?
A question arrived in my inbox last week that I couldn't stop thinking about.
A fellow coach, building a coaching practice while still working in a corporate role described the tension many professionals know well: wanting to build momentum while honouring obligations to their employer.
One phrase stood out:
"How do I build what comes next without compromising what I have today?"
As I read his words, I realised I had navigated a similar tension more than once.
The answer I found may not be right for everyone. But for me, it was radical transparency.
Years ago, I made the decision to be transparent with my employer about my long-term aspiration to transition into full-time coaching. Not because I had a perfect plan. Not because I knew exactly when it would happen. But because I wanted my actions and intentions to be aligned.
In return, I committed to helping build a strong succession pipeline so the organisation would not be left exposed if and when that day arrived.
What surprised me was not the reaction. It was the freedom.
The energy I had previously spent wondering whether I was crossing a line, managing perceptions, or second-guessing myself became available for more productive things. The ethical dilemmas did not disappear completely. But they became easier to navigate because the relationship was built on mutual trust and honesty.
A few years later, I faced a different challenge.
Cancer
When I received my diagnosis, no one could tell me exactly how serious it was or where the treatment journey would lead. I had already supported a dear friend through her own cancer recovery, so I knew enough to understand that uncertainty would become my companion for a while.
Once again, I chose radical transparency.
I told my colleagues what was happening. I was honest that I did not know where I would land after treatment. I was honest that I needed to conserve my energy, regulate my emotions, and find a way to manage a mind that often felt fragmented.
My husband, family, friends, doctors, and colleagues could support me.
But they could not recover for me.
That responsibility remained mine.
Thankfully, I am now well. Fully recovered. And deeply grateful for the advancement of medicine, and all the love, care and support!
Looking back, both experiences taught me the same lesson.
Transparency is not about oversharing. It's about having at least one place where you don't have to carry the whole story by yourself.
Because when the gap between what you're living and what others know becomes too large, the weight can become surprisingly lonely.
You become strategically isolated. You feel trapped. You delay difficult conversations. You hope circumstances will improve. Sometimes they do. Sometimes circumstances make the decision for us, for example, a restructure that moves us sideways, a partner who reaches a limit, or a funeral that does the maths for us.
I have coached enough leaders to know that many are carrying conversations they have not yet had.
Of course, transparency is contextual. Not every workplace is psychologically safe. Not every relationship has the trust required. Not every situation benefits from complete disclosure. Discernment matters.
But so does recognising the cost of carrying everything alone.
Sometimes the breakthrough is not finding the perfect answer. Sometimes it is finding a safe place to tell the truth.
A question for you this week
What conversation have you been carrying alone
that might become lighter if shared?
Hit reply — I read every message.
If this resonated, I’d love to hear what’s on your mind.
Till next week,
Mary