✨From Automatic Yeses to Intentional Choices: Why Self-Care Is Your Most Strategic Move (027)

The Conditioning Problem

I’ve been a people-pleaser and perfectionist for most of my life. Then cancer came knocking. Three years on, I’m well — thanks to the gift of medicine. But those experiences left a mark: I no longer plant myself in environments that shrink my sense of self.

At a recent women’s networking event I hosted, two comments revealed just how deep our conditioning runs:

💬 “I’m single, so I’m always on call for operations and our people.”
💬 “My kids are grown, so after dinner I should log back on and keep working.”

Sound familiar? I know I’ve said versions of these myself.

We’ve been taught for so long to equate worth with productivity that when we try to reclaim personal time, our nervous system revolts. Guilt shows up. Tightness in the chest. That restless tug to prove ourselves by doing more.

Why Setting Boundaries Feels Impossible

Guilt isn’t always bad; it can guide us back to our values. But when guilt is chronic, it can activate our fight-or-flight system.

Your body starts screaming - rapid heartbeat, chest tightness, shallow breathing. No wonder boundaries feel impossible. The level of discomfort can be so overwhelming.

And change rarely sticks unless the pull of desire for change outweighs the discomfort of those visceral reactions.

For me, cancer was the turning point. The week between diagnosis and surgery was a blur of uncertainty. I asked myself: If my time is limited, how do I want to live? That shock jolted me awake to the cost of ignoring my own well-being.

Here’s the truth: no legislation, not even the new Right to Disconnect laws in Australia, can rewrite our inner wiring. That work is ours to do.

The Strategic Shift: Self-Care as Performance Fuel

The good news is you don’t have to wait till your body breaks down before you decide to recondition your nervous system.

Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s strategic.

When you rest, set boundaries, and protect your energy:

• Your decision-making sharpens.

• Your presence improves.

• Your creativity sparks again.

• You show up better — for your team, your family, and your community.

One of my clients, a manager in a high-pressure role, recently swapped her “automatic yes” for a pause and a considered no. Within weeks, she noticed she wasn’t running on adrenaline anymore - her focus improved, and so did her relationships at work.

Another client flipped the switch two years ago from saying yes to everyone else to saying yes to herself. She launched her own HR consultancy, and today is the co-founder of two more businesses supporting SMEs to grow.

That’s the power of intentional choices.

Your Action Plan for the Week

Reflection: What is one area in your life where you’re still saying yes automatically?

Exercise: The next time you feel the reflex to say yes, take one deep breath first. That single pause can be enough to shift from autopilot to choice.

Until next week — choose wisely, care strategically, and burn bright, not out.

To your spark,
Mary