✨When You’ve Had to Work Twice as Hard to Be Seen (007)

In the past few days, I’ve connected with people from Toronto, Seattle, Mauritius, and right here at home in Melbourne.

As we bridged time zones and shared stories, someone asked me a question that stayed with me: “Tell me about where you come from—what shaped you?”

It was asked with genuine curiosity and respect—and it reminded me that our roots aren’t something to hide—they’re something to honour.

A PERSONAL STORY: WHERE BELONGING REQUIRED MORE

I was born in Malaysia to parents of different ethnic backgrounds. My late mother was of Chinese heritage. My late father was of Eurasian descent. I’ve recently been diving deeper into his lineage after my cousin shared that our paternal family tree stretches all the way back to the 1670s.

Despite my father’s integrity and kindness, he was never accepted by my maternal grandmother—not for who he was, but for what he wasn’t. His race, religion, and socioeconomic background didn’t align with her expectations.

The rejection ran so deep that to this day, there’s not a single photo of them together. Not even one frame.

And yet, my father held a vision bigger than that pain.

He wanted my sisters and me to build a connection with our grandmother—even when she couldn’t build one with us. So, he and my mother made the bold decision to enrol us in a Chinese medium school, believing that language might one day become a bridge where relationship had failed.

That decision was a heavy lift. Not just academically, but emotionally and culturally. It meant learning to navigate multiple identities. It meant translating ourselves—linguistically, socially, and emotionally, every single day. It meant building belonging that wasn’t naturally offered to us.

But my father’s mindset, that inclusion often begins with making it easier for others to connect was instilled in us early and deeply.

👉 I share this story with deep respect and without malice. The generation before me didn’t have access to today’s conversations around diversity, inclusion, or multi-generational trauma. They didn’t have books like It Didn’t Start with You by Mark Wolynn. They did the best they could with what they knew. And for that, I carry both gratitude and perspective.

These reflections continue to teach me—and I hope they help you connect with a part of your own story, too.

THIS WEEKEND’S ACTION: REFLECT ON THE COST OF PROVING YOURSELF

For years, I brought that same mindset into my professional life—working twice as hard to be half as visible, constantly adjusting myself to fit into roles and environments that were never made for someone like me.

That kind of persistent self-editing comes at a cost.

The emotional toll of always being “on,” always navigating, always proving you deserve to be in the room, it builds quietly. Relentlessly. Until you burn out.

But I’ve learned there’s another way. You can burn bright without burning out—and now I help others do the same.

This weekend, I invite you to reflect:

🔸 Where have you been working twice as hard just to be half as seen?
🔸 What might it look like to place your vision before your exhaustion?
🔸 Where can you let go of the need to prove, and reclaim your energy to belong—on your terms?

TO NEW SCUBRIBERS: WELCOME

If you’re new here, thank you for joining this growing circle of people who are done with burning out just to be accepted.

Here is your weekly nudge that:

✔ You can be driven and rested.
✔ You can lead and live.
✔ You can burn bright without burning out.

Together, we’re rewriting the rules, where inclusion is intentional, energy is respected, and success doesn’t require self-editing.

✨YOUR VOICE MATTERS

How did this edition land for you? Please take a moment to rate here.

You will be asked to pick one:

• Lit a spark – This really spoke to you.

• Warm glow – A gentle nudge in the right direction.

• Didn’t land today – Not quite what you needed, but you are glad you checked in.

Your response helps shape future editions that support you right where you are.

Thank you for being here. And remember—you’re not alone on this journey.

To your spark,
Mary

P.S.: Do connect with me on LinkedIn.

P.P.S: More about how I support you.